I Failed

Only a minute has passed since she hung up the phone after saying good night, and I am still standing with my phone holding it close to my ear. A deep thought has cobwebbed me. For a second, I felt very strong urge to kill a particular percent of Indians.. 90%.

Her "Hi" was very low when I called her,and so was her voice. The usual cheer of her sound was entirely missing, which always used to be there irrespective of the tiredness of the day.
Clearly there was something wrong. My first thought was 'may be she had a rough day'. 'But she is a strong girl, she knows how to handle rough dayz smoothly' was my second thought. Leaving the train of thoughts in the subway, I jumped straight to the platform of directly asking her whats wrong. So I did. At first she just put my first thought into words, then after one or two lines here and there from me, she told me the answer to the 'whats wrong' question. Although some details were missing, but at least she shared, enough for me. I don't know what had happened, she didn't told me clearly, but she was very upset, very very upset, coz people didn't turn out the way she believed they would. They are the people who she always loved very much ,she still do, and according to her, she'll always do,no matter what,coz they.. are her parents. She always felt lucky that she got such nice and open minded mom-dad. And today she was upset of their orthodox thinking. Its her personal matter so I didn't push her to tell me what happened exactly, but I still wish I could know the event that not only left her low, but also had left her with the realization what people, specially *middle class Indians* are -- from outside they do a lot of showoffs in the society trying to make everyone around them feel that they are modern and open minded-literate-intellectuals while from inside they possesses the same old mentality full of utterly orthodoxical shit.
She was upset that her parents turned out that way, she was sad coz she didn't know how to make them understand, how to bridge the gap. Her faith in Indians and their mentalities has completely disappeared. She thought that 90% of Indians are like that. Her feelings are hard to captivate in words. I am not a writer to regenerate the same feeling that I had when I heard her saying all that, her anger towards the 90%, her rage, her sadness, and most beautiful of all... her determination to fight with all that and desperation to continue to pay attention to her career. She really is something. I have never seen such a positiveness, clarity of thoughts and beauty of the soul anywhere but inside myself. It was like I was talking to myself, words, thoughts,anger,everything was same, everything except the sadness. I always have tried to stay away from sadness, I hate it,coz it always make my loved ones sad, unhappy, not smiling which i don't want them to be. I've pulled many out of it, have tried to put smile on every face, try to give them new prospective of life, shown them how to kick ass hard of everything that tries to make them feel negative,leave them low and erase their smiles. And almost every time I've succeeded Every time but this. I failed to cheer her up, during my entire (almost 15-16 min.)conversation with her I was numb, dumbfounded as I didn't had no words that could make her feel better, I failed to divert her attention towards those 10% who are actually are exactly like she want people to be, I failed to tell her that I am one of them , I failed to tell her that I have exactly the kinda thinking that she think only non-Indians have, I failed to put things into words.
I still don't know how to make her believe in those 10%, worst, I don't know how to put wings back to the angel who thinks that there are no angels in town anymore.
She questioned me back that how to know who among the 10 persons around her is one of those 10%, and I failed to answer that. Why should she give those 10% a damn when the other 90% are not in mind to support her to sail her life in whichever direction she wants? I failed to solve that conundrum either. In spite of being in those 10%, I failed to overcome the effect that those 90% had left over her. I failed to shed this sadness from her and from me, and for the first time in history, I failed to smile.

Yeh koi blog hai.. huh..

Hey bhagwaan, main to inferiority complex se mara ja raha hu... first blog and first blow... Wait.. starting se story start karta hu.... Vo mere pehle post ki raat, i was just about to log-out and there she appears, turned gray to green.. nahi samjhe , are yaar meri sbse pyari cousine Nikita, suddenly online ho gayi. Ab naye post ke naye josh me maine without waiting use apne blog ka URL de diya.. and her reaction... "KYA YE POST AAPNE YE BATANE KE LIYE KIYA HAI KI AAP KITNE CONFUSED HO" And I was like this... ...pehla zhatka..... Vaise niks ki pehle thodi taareef kar du... Shez smart, talented,good looking but horizontaly challenged, and to my dismay.. A coolest blogger....[ check for ur self: nikstake.blogspot.com ]... And her blog... maine dekha to main to sharm se pehle ice and baad me melt hoke pani-paani ho gaya...AILA COMPITITION !!.. vo bhi ek high school graduate se .. Life is like... funny guy... ek chor ne pehla dimond churaya and usse jyada intelligent [yaha age count nahi hoti, bade bade log bhe paachvi paas se tej nahi prove kar pate apne ko [ :) ] ) chor ne use ye kah diya ki ye to glass hai... to socho kya feel hua hoga use.... Lekin maine bhe immidiatly angreji me apne confused looking "post" ka *postmortam* philosophical sense me kar daala... sub uske upar se nikal gaya ,boli "theek hai theek hai,hopefully next post aapka brilliant hoga and full of life bhe",phir logout ho gayi...and I was like...... .....VICTORY .. YAHOOOOO... Aur is tarah maine ek teenager to stupid prove kar diya... ek million dollar baby ko poor kid prove kar diya... But kya main ek achhe post ko create kar paunga.. kya mere paas itna matter hoga ki main har baar life ki khichdi ka kuch alag rang [ taste yar ,taste] generate kar paunga... kya ppl will smile reading my confusion or they'll appriciate [and hopefuly adapt] the different way to look at jindgi, kya i'll make them see what i see,...my god, ye to bada he khatarnak kaam lagta hai... {charls darwin agar zinda hota to ye "servival of the fittest" ka rule blogging me bhe apply hota dekh kuch ajeeb sa react jaroor karta [ :) ] } Jinhe lagta hai ye junk, vo kabadi hai.. Samajh ne wale samajh gaye hai... joi na samjhe vo anadi hai... [Are ye nikita ke liye nahi hai... vo to really nice and sweet hai, and samajhdaar bhi.. ye to aise he ... yaar main shaayar bhi to hu.... :D ] But niki dear ke karan he mujhe apne doosre post ke baare me jyada sochna nahi para, niks tu to grt hai (tareef ki na... ab apna vote mujhe he degi... [ ;) ] ). Mere apni khichdi ke taste ko samajhne ke liye , pehle main aapko apne life ke kuch different tastes se milvaunga... ye sabhi masale apne aap me poori khichdi hai, but hai majedaar, aur inki vajah se he mere kichdi hai lajjatdaar... [waha,waha, kya sher hai] . In me se kai flavors ko to main janta he nahi [confused.. sab bataunga... this is not the last post bandhu] but phir bhe life ka secrete apne guest appereance se thoda-thoda reveal kar he dete hai...and beauty of the ingrediants are that they are real, absolutly real... So i'll catch you soon along with some spice to sweeten ur khichdi ,my khichdi n life's khichdi [hell she was right, i am confused,anyway]... Keep Smiling... yo :)

YO :), First Post... malai maar ke....

HI ALL, me and blogging... unbelivable (don't know about u, but for me it is unbelivable).
But maine socha , jb aise vaise and kaise-kaise log b'log' create kar sakte hai to main kyu nahi...
and upar se socha (yes, i do think... sometimes, and mostly about u my friends... feel proud [ :) ] ) ki jab itna acha observational mind diya hai mere creaters ne (is baat pe i feel proud [ ;) ] ) to is funny life ka fun , irony and irony ke fun ki khichdi ka taste kara he du .... kharab taste life ka to aap easily chakh sakte hai, but sweet taste ka realization... apun ke saath share karlo... yo :)
So stay tuned... POSTS ABHI BAAKI HAI MERE DOSTO.... :)